Have you ever been abruptly cut off contacts without any warning or explanation? Even after trying to reach out and you have been met with silence? If so, most probably you have experienced ghosting.
It’s called ghosting because it involves someone essentially “vanishing” into thin air as if they were a ghost. When this happens, you are left feeling powerless and even questioning your perception of reality.
Signs of Ghosting
Ghosting can be a sudden but also a gradual process. The other person might start by ‘soft ghosting,’ where they progressively minimize contact over a period of time. Some early signs that someone might be ghosting you include:
- They regularly bail out on plans to get together.
- They don’t like to share personal information with you.
- They rarely ask you about your life.
- They rarely respond to your texts or calls nor take initiatives to contact you first.
- Your conversations with them lack depth, and they seem disinterested.
If you have made repeated efforts to make contacts with someone and they don’t reciprocate, it is a strong indicator that you’ve been ghosted. Ghosting can also occur on social media. It involves cutting off all social media contact with another person without explanation. The other person may unfriend, unfollow, or even block you on all social media platforms. They may even go so far as to deactivate or delete their social accounts to prevent all contact.
Why Do Some People Choose to Ghost?
Ghosting is a passive-aggressive way to end a relationship. In many ways can be seen as a form of emotional abuse. Ghosters are not able to genuinely communicate with others, they think it makes it easier for them to disengage when things get uncomfortable, but there is no way they can have healthy, long-term relationships without being able to face problems. In fact, a person ghosts another because they lack the capacity to confront others. They want to avoid confrontation for not being able to deal with someone else’s hurt feelings, so they simply cease all communication and hope the hint is delivered. In the long-term the person who feels the worst is indeed the ghoster, because without this capacity to face problems they end up not having meaningful relations.
Impact
Ghosting can have a real psychological impact on the person who’s being ghosted. It’s a sudden loss and feels like grief. You are shocked, and you’re in denial, thinking things such as ‘maybe they didn’t see my text.’ Then you feel anger. Ghosting is ambiguous because there is a lack of explanation for why the relationship ended. For the person who has been ghosted, it can lead to significant feelings of rejection, guilt, grief, and shame. You are left wondering what this happened, and what have you done, but it is important to remember that ghosting says more about the person who cuts off contact than the person who is ghosted.
Working Through Grief After Being Ghosted
Being ghosted often triggers a flood of ranging emotions. Thoughts of ‘Not only did the person not want any contact with me, but I wasn’t even deserving of an explanation’ can make someone feel dehumanized and devalued. It is painful and it will take some time to work through the pain, but with acceptance that it was not your fault, you will be able to move on. While ghosted people after a period of grief are able to move on from having received this passive aggressive behaviour, for ghosters their behaviour creates unhealthy problem-solving patterns for themselves, and that they also contribute to a larger pattern of societal flakiness that increases their chances of being ghosted as well.
Treat the other person as you’d like to be treated.
Ghosting has become more commonplace in the digital age, but just because something is easy or common doesn’t mean it’s always the ideal route to take. Consider how ghosting might impact both parties and do your best to treat others with kindness and honesty. If you’re the person who’s been ghosted, it’s OK to feel confused, sad, and angry. It’s important to get closure, you can do this by sending a quick note to end the relationship yourself, this can help you regain a sense of power and confidence and give you closure. Or you could write down your thoughts on a piece of paper and then tear it off or burn it. It is also good to share your thoughts and feelings with a person you trust. Be they friends, family members, colleagues or mental health professionals. Remember: is not your fault if have been ghosted, it is just an unhealthy pattern in people with serious communication problems.
Article adapted from <https://www.verywellmind.com/what-is-ghosting-5071864>